i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
