I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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