You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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