We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
