Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
