His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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