ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
