apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shame - the story of my life.
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