The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
