So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
