ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
