any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
