We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
And then he peed in my hair
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