I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
