i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
