that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
