just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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