mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
