Christians are straight up FREAKS
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Small penises have feelings too.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
