I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
