The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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