Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize