I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
