So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
