Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
