dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
