he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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