check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
