he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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