I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
