also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
