remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
