A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
