Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
