she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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