i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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