me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize