I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
