I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
