I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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