Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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