I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...