this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize