If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
