proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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