Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
