I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I understand Curling. That high.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
