Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.