I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.