I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you never un-have a 4some
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.