I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.