what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish my penis had a tongue
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.