And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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