Please, let me fuck your mom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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