Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
