my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
