I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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