the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
