dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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