I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
