If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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