I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
