i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
tell me about the fingering
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
